Parents Have
Homework, Too.
By Sybil Humphries
"No gift is too
costly (or too hard
to obtain) for a
parent to give his
child."
No parent would
choose to give his
or her child an
inferior gift, or a
gift that would be
harmful in any way.
The gift of a good
education is a most
valuable one. What
can parents do to
contribute their
part to this gift?
The teachers
(school) have one
very important part.
The child has a very
important part.
Parents have an
equally important
part. Without the
parent's part, the
education will not
measure up.
In short, parents
have homework. The
home is where it all
begins. Parents are
the head of the
home. The head of
the home provides,
teaches, reinforces,
and enforces. If the
head of the home
does not fulfill its
obligations, no
other agency can
fill in the gap. The
child carries with
him/her everything
that is absorbed in
the home. First of
all, parents must
supply the basic
needs of the infant,
including food,
shelter, clothing,
love, and security.
By the time the
child has reached
school age, parents
have done lots and
lots of "homework."
However, the
assignment is just
beginning.
When the child
begins school, the
parent's role takes
on a new dimension,
that of enhancing
the "formal
education." That is,
the education that
is provided by the
school. A parent's
role in the
education of his
child has many
dimensions. A
parent's "homework"
carries with it many
responsibilities.
These
responsibilities
include keeping the
proper attitude
toward education and
school,
supporting/helping
your child, setting
healthy priorities,
consistency in
discipline, rewards
and consequences,
open communication,
helping with work
missed during
sickness, being
active in school
matters, and
controlling your
child's school
attendance.
Attitude.
It begins with
attitude. If you
have a positive
attitude toward
school in general,
your child will also
have a positive
attitude. If you
have concerns about
the school or the
teacher, be very
careful how you
voice these concerns
in front of your
child. Your child
will pick up on your
attitude, adopt it
as his or her own,
and take it to
school. Negative and
apathetic attitudes
are at the root of a
large portion of
discipline problems
at school.
Support.
Your child cannot go
it alone. When he or
she has a particular
assignment that may
require special help
or supplies, you are
the one s/he turns
to for help. Be
there with all the
support and help
possible. There may
come a time when
your child will need
extra help on
schoolwork. If you
cannot provide this
help, speak to your
child's teacher
about it. There may
be some remedial
materials, or the
teacher may be able
to help you and your
child work through
the problem. You may
consider outside
help, such as a
tutor. Arranging the
schedule in the home
to accommodate
quality "homework"
time/place is one
aspect of support.
Your child will need
to feel secure in
the fact that you
will be there
helping.
Priorities.
In order for
education to come
out on top, it must
be given top
priority. This must
be a true commitment
in light of the many
interesting and
beneficial
activities that are
available for the
youngsters. These
include sports,
scouts, music/dance
lessons, and other
activities. Too many
activities will
bring down the
educational level of
your child. This
should be closely
monitored during the
school year.
Consistency.
Whatever your
methods of
discipline,
consequences, and
household
management,
consistency is the
key. When you
promise a
consequence, follow
through. Be firm.
Try not to be
influenced by your
child's persuasive
tactics. Children
consistently test
authority. Be
prepared to follow
through each time.
Results, while not
always immediate,
will be forthcoming.
Children are just
that - children.
Although they are
learning to accept
some responsibility,
they are not yet
adults, and should
not be treated as
such. This is their
time in life to
learn things like
consistency and
priorities, and it
is your "homework"
to instill these
qualities in your
child. Children need
to know that their
poor choices create
consequences.
Rewards and
Consequences.
Worthwhile rewards
may help reinforce
responsible actions.
However, rewards do
not have to be in
the form of costly
material gifts.
Rewards may be in
the form of time
spent together, a
special word of
praise, or a chance
to skip a chore.
Just let your child
know how proud you
are of him/her.
Consequences should
fit the misbehavior
as much as possible,
and should be done
immediately, when
possible. Try not to
become emotional
when you discipline
your child, and be
sure to let the
incident go.
"Forgive and
forget." If you
remain hostile
toward your child
after disciplining
him/her, you are
distancing yourself
from your child.
Make sure you are
still "available" to
your child.
Communication with
your child.
Talk with your
child. Listen to
your child. Make
casual comments
about what he/she is
saying to show that
you are listening.
Do not "put words"
in his/her mouth
about what went on
in class. If your
child has an
unpleasant story to
tell you, do not
make it worse for
him/her by becoming
visibly upset. This
will only upset the
child even more. Let
your child tell the
story in his or her
own way, in his or
her own time. If you
resort to an
"interrogation", you
will likely get the
story from a biased
point of view. If
the problem
persists, call or
write the teacher.
Communication with
your child's
teacher.
Keep the lines of
communication open.
Check your child's
agenda daily. This
is the teacher's
best method of
communicating with
you. Always go to
the teacher with any
problems before
going to the
principal. You and
the teacher are on
the same side - the
side of your child.
The teacher wants
your child to
succeed. Make a
friend of the
teacher.
Missed Work.
If your child is
absent due to an
illness, he or she
may need extra
attention from you
in order to get
caught up on
assignments missed.
Your child most
likely has a given
number of days to
get the work done
and turned in. If
the illness is
prolonged, you may
call the school for
assignments, but be
sure to make every
effort to see that
the work is actually
done. This extra
effort on the part
of your child's
teachers is very
time consuming, and
the time is taken
from their planning
or from their
classes. This
practice is one that
is encouraged if you
plan to see that
your child does the
work. If you have an
occasion in which
your child cannot
complete a daily
assignment because
of a family
emergency, write a
note to the teacher
asking for a one day
extension. It is
likely that your
child will have
consequences at
school for missing
work. "Homework" for
the parents is to
instill the
importance of school
assignments in your
children.
Be involved.
Show your child that
you want to be
involved in his or
her school. Whenever
you get notification
of a school meeting,
or a school need,
show that you are
interested.
Participate in
various activities
at school. If there
is a school event,
show up with your
child.
Child's Attendance.
You, as the parent
have the power to
control your child's
attendance,
including being on
time. Poor
attendance and
tardiness directly
affect a child's
school success in
numerous ways,
emotionally as well
as scholastically.
Please understand
that signing out is
the same as being
absent. Your child
will miss vital
instruction.
Instruction
continues up until
dismissal. When you
sign your child out
unnecessarily, you
are telling your
child that school
doesn't matter.
Restrict sign outs
to sickness of the
child, or a true
family emergency.
"Homework" for you
as the parent is to
keep your child in
school.
Yes, parents have
"homework". Your
homework continues
as long as you are
responsible for your
child. Without your
part, your child's
school experience
will not be all that
it can be. Together,
let's prepare the
"Gift" of education
for your child!
Copyright 1998 Sybil
Humphries.